Clearing anger and self loathing with EFT via introduction to inner child

By Jan Luther, EFT Master

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Over the years of using EFT, I have developed an approach to inner parts work that has had amazing results for my clients.

I have had numerous clients with low self image issues share with me stories of horrid childhood experiences.  Early in my practice, I often wondered what "that child" would say if we could go back and visit with him/her.  Following that thought, I occasionally invite a client to experiment with me and do just that.

I am a Life Coach, not a therapist.  I do not accept clients that are in therapy.  I am very clear about not going where I don't belong and I would never invite a client to try such an experiment if I was not certain they are of sound mind and can see the difference between this exercise and actually becoming another personality.

I would like to share a story with you about the significant positive impact of using EFT to do inner parts work.

Recently, a client came to me sharing how she had been struggling with self esteem issues.  After a few questions about her early life, I learned that one parent had died when she was very young and that she had been shuffled around from one household to the next every day when her remaining parent went to work.  We did a lot of tapping on her anger.

I explained my personal belief that anger is a secondary emotion. I told her we could do some good tapping around anger. But experience has taught me that if we can define the injustice that made us angry, we can do some great tapping.

She imagined a little girl in a pastel dress. She was about 5 years old.  I asked her what they called her then and she told me a childhood pet name.  In a very light manner, I asked her questions about her day to day experience until that part of her started to volunteer information.

She shared with me how she was never taught to use utensils.  How relatives always mention that she never talked as a child. She told me how she felt so alone and lost.

She began to weep and she told me she is always so angry. No one taught her to ask for what she needed or to speak-up for herself.  Other children would bully and blame her for things.  She would be punished by the adults because she never argued.  She wanted to be a good girl. Following are some tapping phrases we used that were very effective.

Even though I am lost…

Even though I don't understand…

Even though nobody loves me…

Even though no one will protect me…

Even though I am so scared…

Even though I am cut off…

Even though I am blamed…

Even though I must be bad…

Even though I should just go away…

Even though everybody hates me…

It didn't take long for the client to have many insights about her relationship challenges in the present.  She was suddenly aware of why she behaved as if she had no personal rights.  She was comforted by the realization that she was angry for a "good" reason.  Ironically, she had come to believe she was just a bad person who could not be happy.

We continued to work on additional aspects of her memory.  These additional phrases created further shifts for the client:

It's okay to have needs

It’s okay to want love

Every little girl wants to be loved

It is good to speak the truth when someone accuses me

I didn't do anything wrong

It wasn't my fault that they died

They loved me still

It is okay to ask for what I need and want

It is okay to not take the blame

It is okay forgive the little girl now

Forgive the other children

Forgive the adults

Forgive my decision to not love myself until someone else loves me

As so often happens with such powerful sessions, the client left liberated and enlightened.  I always call it "The EFT Halo Effect."  The countenance is bright and the eyes are uplifted.  There is still much to address for the client to have a healthy balanced self esteem but she is on her way. EFT is such a gift to our world and universe.

As always, thank you!



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1 Comment


Posted September 07, 2011 06:00 AM

I am so sceptical about tapping but I wish I could prove that it really works.. i have so many issues low self esteem, sociophobia, hypertension,lack... the list is long.


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