From Episiotomy to Earrings!!!
A 9 year old girl's EFT journey with birth trauma
Jay Kelly, EFT practitioner, NLP Master, Hypnotherapist
(Add or view comments at the bottom of the page.)
As a mum of 4 I’m quite often in too much of a hurry to go softly softly with my children when they are causing a fuss, especially over something self-inflicted. Although, as you read on you’ll see why I have changed my views on what is actually so called ‘self inflicted’.
This is what I wrote up after a fantastic tapping session with Thea, my 9 year old eldest daughter:
Thea was desperate to have her ears pierced for years, which I really didn’t want to happen. I managed to hold off until she turned 9. She was prepared for the pain, but obviously it was still a banging shock when it happened. After the 1st ear had been done she was frozen in shock, and only when I told her that she could cry if she wanted to, she sobbed and let me cuddle her. She let the lady pierce the 2nd ear and felt proud of herself.
She did a job of keeping them clean, and after 8 weeks we took them out to change to new pretty ones and she almost fainted with fear. She kept on holding her throat saying she couldn't breathe and was panicking. We hadn’t even removed them and she was absolutely traumatized. Not like her at all. She likes to make sure we know she is brave & tough normally.
To cut the story shorter here – I established that Thea was actually in fear of the clipping sound of the butterfly clip at the back being removed, not the pain. We managed it, but it wasn't pleasant for her. Even though we tapped for all sorts, she still had fear and she was not happy.
Two weeks later she really wanted a different pair in, but was still super scared. We tapped and brought it down from a 7 to a 5. But each time I tried to progress it kept shooting back up.
I would stop and we'd tap some more. We tapped for the shock of the initial piercing, the pain, the disapproval of me not wanting her to have it done, the worry about it hurting again, her concern that removing them would split her skin. Nothing seemed to have a positive effect. So, at a loss at that point, we continued to tap and I asked “When I hear the clipping sound it reminds me of..." Every time I said the word clipping she would melt down and curl up. A big reaction for the minuscule sound of the tiny clipping noise when removing the back.
Didn't cut the story that short did I!
Anyyywaaay.... after asking a few more times she said "I don't like the clipping sound and being pulled".
There was the key word that helped us move forward!
Her birth was a 40 hour one. After 30 or so hours they fitted a fetal scalp clip (a corkscrew shaped needle) to her head whilst still inside the birth canal, so that they could monitor to make sure there wasn’t a lack of oxygen. I had an episiotomy and a failed ventouse (suction cup that should have pulled her out, kind of like a sink plunger attached to her head!) She was so stuck that it left her inside, and also left a nice big bruise on the top of her hairy head. They then used forceps to pull her out, finding the cord wrapped round her neck 3 times, so they cut that whilst she was still inside, only her head out. Lots of clipping for a poor little baby. They then pulled her out, but by that time she was heavily starved of oxygen and had to be resuscitated back to life. I was in a poor state myself and asked for her to be taken away as I no longer wanted her. I was also angry at myself for not managing the intervention free labour that I wanted, and also guilty for possibly putting her at risk for my own benefit – a desire for a natural delivery.
She had never been told of these details for obvious reasons, but what I did with her was to talk her through what happened whilst tapping through what I've just told you here, stopping at points when she interjected words like "were you screaming?" "They pulled my head" "so I could have died"...
It took the number down to a 3 and I was able to do the earring change with little problem. Obviously we still need to work on this further, but it's great to find a little link to help guide us in the right direction!
I am going to tap with all of my girls’ birth stories. It may help Kitty (one of my twins who clings to me like a koala and gets separation anxiety.) She was the 1st born twin and spent a little time in a side cot straight after birth whilst I delivered the 2nd baby.
All figures hey?!
As a quick follow up, Thea continued to tap on a special bear that night when she went to bed. Tapped along to her personal thoughts. The following morning she really didn’t feel any anxiety about it all. Fantastically, but frustratingly at the same time, she thinks it wasn't that bad after all! She is now a 0 on the scale & changes her earrings with no problems.
We have talked about tapping further for her pregnancy, birth and onwards (and prior!). She said "well there'll be plenty there to tap on!"
Before I go further with my other girls births I want to work my own side of the birth story before I work with them.
It may be totally fine to work directly with them, as Thea's was the only traumatic one for me and we worked well tapping together about it. BUT I still have things that I couldn't say to her and would be good to work that through.
My other births were wonderful for me, but still traumatic for the babies.
I really want to take this so much further. I now can't believe that we all start our lives in pretty much the same traumatic style and then continue to build issue after issue as we understate the trauma of the birth for a baby. For a lot of babies, I believe that stroking, patting, cuddling, rocking and loving bonds help to release the trauma for the baby, through clearing blocked energy channels and releasing all important oxytocin – I believe this happened for my other 3 daughters, but Thea had a mum with post-natal depression who couldn’t breastfeed properly and didn’t want to attempt to bond with her baby for over a year. We’re still working on these extra issues, but now we know where to start the next phase of our journey!
Posted June 27, 2010 09:54 PM
Awesome. I so needed to read this!
I had a 40 min labour with my 2nd, and it was quite crazy as you could imagine.. It was fast and I was confused (didnt' know i was in labour) and she is such an angry angry child.. especially towards me. I definitely want to explore the birth aspect.
With my 3rd, I was super traumatized with the pain and he was born not breathing. He had breathing difficulties the first few months of his life and we did eft for both of us and he's the happies little boy
with #4, I had the most awesome birth (hypnobirth) and she is so mellow and was smiling at one week old!
#1, I don't remember the details but I'm goin back to read her birth story nown because she does have major anxiety issues and has trouble speaking up
thank u so much for this!
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