Why do Marriages Break?
EFT for preventing Break-ups
Puja Kanth Alfred, M.A (Psychology), EFT-CERT I , EFT-ADV
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Many of us have read, seen, spoken and understood a lot about marriage. We all have an understanding of it but the highest level of understanding won’t work if it is not put into action because -
Understanding is not Doing. Diagnosis is not Healing.
Marriage is all about doing. Marriages break when the ‘doing’ is missing.
In this article I have outlined some important factors that lead to breakups and how EFT can help in sustaining relationships.
Please Note: This article is more in line with the South Asian conceptualization of marriages. The Western countries stress more on individualism in marriages, which this article doesn't address. I am mentioning this as it is very important to take the culture into consideration whenever we talk about relationships.
Reduced interest in partner’s activities – As time goes by there is less and less interest in spouse’s activities. Here’s how EFT comes in -
Even though I am no longer interested in what my spouse does, ….
Even though I don’t feel like taking interest, I choose revive my interest.
Taking partner for granted- Many a times the feelings of one’s partner are taken for granted. EFT can be applied on that. It is important to guard and respect one’s partner’s feelings.
Even though I took what he/she said for granted…
Even though I take it for granted when he/she expresses himself/herself…
Even though we take each other for granted, I want to start respecting and understanding my spouse’s feelings.
Reduced communication – No time for communication.
Even though we are so busy that we hardly have any conversations about ‘us’,..
Even though we only talk about money, work, kids or in-laws,…
Even though we have this communication problem, I wish to change this.
Even though we hardly talk, I choose to change this.
Ego drives - This is my money, this is your car, these are my parents, these are your parents….’mine and yours’…. too much emphasis on that and too little emphasis on ‘us’.
Even though we are so caught up in yours and mine and have forgotten the us, I choose to think more about us.
Increased suspicion – While alertness is good, suspicion is a destroyer of marriages.
Even though I feel very suspicious of my spouse, …
Even though I get jealous,…
Even though I feel suspicious, I choose to believe my spouse.
Domination or submissiveness – Dominating or Submissive spouse – People who dominate their spouses or those who are submissive and cannot speak up; both these categories are harmful for marriage.
Even though I am very dominating, …
Even though I cannot speak up,…
Justifying mistakes – Not admitting even when one knows that one has made a mistake and justifying it.
Even though I am afraid to admit my mistake, …
Even though I am too egoistic to admit my mistake,…
Even though I am afraid, I choose to let go of my fear and admit my mistake.
Sacrifice of romance in the name of parents, kids, and work.
Even though we no longer have time to express our feelings or go out or be together or spend some quality time…
Careless Attitude towards sensitive information- Taking and treating sensitive information (like social status, financial status, family etc) about one’s spouse frivolously.
Even though I made fun of my partner’s social status, I love and forgive myself.
Even though I hurt my spouse, I choose to be careful in future about sensitive information; information that may hurt my spouse.
Blind faith – Blindly believing one’s partner even when there is discrepancy in information or noticeable behavior change.
Expecting things without informing – One may expect that one’s partner should understand everything one wants without informing one’s choices to him/her.
Even though I expect my husband/wife to be a clairvoyant/ a mind reader, …
Even though I know that it is not possible to for him/her to know everything without telling him/her, I choose to let him/her know about my choices/about what I want/desire etc.
EFT will work on individual level as well as when applied along with your partner.
Wish you a successful and a happy married life!
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Puja Kanth Alfred
Counseling Psychologist & Certified EFT Practitioner
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substitute for proper medical care or good common sense.
While EFT has produced remarkable clinical results, it must still be considered to be in the experimental stage
and thus practitioners and the public must take complete responsibility for their use of it.
In addition, the articles on this site represent the views of the authors and do not necessarily reflect those of the
founder of EFT, Gary Craig, nor the owner of this web site, Stefan Gonick.