Searching for core issues - asking the right questions
Article 1 of a series of 3
Helen P Bressler
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I have been using EFT with clients for several years and am continually inspired by the results. I am also aware that the swiftness and depth of 'healing' can mirror the ability of the practitioner to pick up on clues, recognize different aspects and know the what/when and how of asking questions. Of course mastery of these abilities comes with practice and is exponentially enhanced by the development of intuition.
For the purpose of this article an example of uncovering a 'hidden' aspect is given. Clues are identified, different aspects are made explicit and the questioning is noted.
The client in question called me recently in the midst of an emotionally devastating scenario; being blindsided by her husband's declaration of considering marriage dissolution. Naturally Amanda (name changed to maintain confidentiality) had been shocked by the news. Our EFT session lasted for over two hours and there are far too many aspects to note each in detail here; hence the reason for using one example which was particularly revelatory, and therefore helpful to Amanda.
During our session Amanda began speaking very quickly (clue). She was cognitively 'all over the place' (clue), thus many emotions / thoughts(aspects) and feelings (aspects) were being thrown into the mix. She was literally jumping very quickly from one emotion, feeling or thought to another (aspects) and was flipping between reacting to the situation and analyzing it (clue / aspects). At this point I asked her 'What is the worst that can happen?'
Although a simple question, I have included it in my sessions on several occasions. I ask it for two reasons:
- Zzzzzttttt' memories/emotions (i.e. those with charge that highlight a disruption in energy) are almost always uncovered;
- “Once a 'worst case scenario' is met face to face and all disrupted energy charges around that are neutralized, there is often an accompanying sense of empowerment. This is especially helpful for those individuals who are facing adverse life changes/challenges.
For Amanda the answer to this question was: 'Him leaving, that I am not good enough for him'. Her response included more than two aspects and prompted my question: 'Why do you feel you aren't good enough for him?'
Amanda replied that she just didn't deserve him (too general) which prompted me to ask the question in a slightly different manner: 'Amanda, what is it (i.e. the reason) that makes you think you don't deserve him?'
Her response was given with a barrage of scenarios that centered on communication. To deal with one aspect at a time I asked: What is it that makes communicating with Dan (pseudonym) so difficult.
Amanda: 'It's just awkward when we try to have a conversation but I don't know why'.
Aha: two separate aspects uncovered.
The set-up followed while rubbing on sore spot:
Even though having a conversation with Dan is awkward...
Reminder Phrase: This awkwardness'.
We tapped the points including the gamut point. It must also be stated that sequencing varied as intuition took over. We also stayed on particular points longer as these were 'key points' for Amanda in this session.
We then used the set-up:
Although I have no idea why our conversations are so awkward.
Reminder Phrase: 'This not knowing'.
Amanda's level of intensity was reduced enough to carry on (between 1 and 3). At this point I was guided to delve further into the conversation awkwardness to uncover additional aspects. I asked her 'Amanda, tell me now how you feel about your conversations with Dan?'
Me: 'Describe why it's fearful'. (another question)
Amanda: 'That sometimes I think I that because having a conversation with him could be awkward, I just don't want to'. Aha.
The term 'fearful' was initially used but on questioning Amanda further, more aspects other than fear were emerging (we had already reduced 'awkwardness' so the fact that 'she didn't want to' was key).
To clarify I asked whether Amanda would say she experienced fear around not having a conversation with Dan? (question) Her answer was negative. I asked her how she felt about not wanting to communicate with her husband. (question) Her answer was revelatory to both of us: 'guilty' (her level of intensity on this was 'over 10 on a scale of 0 to 10).
We first tried the set-up:
Even though I feel guilty...
But during the tapping, it became evident that we needed to start over; her voice was a little flat (clue) and so I knew we weren't on the right aspect. And that was the difference between getting no/ some results and getting truly effective, potentially long-lasting results.
I asked her if she felt guilty or if she was guilty (question). Her momentary silence and sense of tension were clues that the latter was indeed the case. I intuitively knew the level of intensity was extremely elevated (a 9 or a 10).
We used the following set-up:
Even though I am totally guilty for not wanting to converse with Dan...
I added '.and I totally forgive myself...' at the end of the third set-up round. Incidentally I had really put emphasis on the set-up, and Amanda was following suit. We tapped using the aforementioned points for three or four rounds. The intensity crescendo-ed for a moment and then dropped rapidly.
I asked Amanda how she was feeling. She exclaimed that she was bowled over with such a revelation that she had no idea that it was her that was not wanting to converse with Dan. But now that she had seen that, she knew it was absolutely true; she hadn't wanted to communicate with him.
On release of Amanda's guilt I asked her if she deserved to be with Dan. Her answer was affirmative. I also asked if she was good enough to be with him. Again affirmative.
We did go on further to address issues surrounding her not wanting to converse with Dan in addition to other aspects that were uncovered during the session. And at the end of the session Amanda sounded clear, empowered, and had a decisive conclusion to how she would practically deal with the situation. There was no charge to her current situation; she stated she felt clear-sighted and able to deal with whatever outcome transpired.
During the session with Amanda it had become evident that her guilt had been covered by layers of reduced self-esteem, of feeling not good enough and undeserving. Yet upon discovery of her sense of guilt these issues disappeared and became a 'flimsy cover' under which her guilt was hidden. After addressing Amanda's guilt, her fear of Dan's leaving was revisited. Amanda reported that this too had completely abated.
All too often a sense of guilt is so upsetting to us/ the ego, that we unconsciously cover it with layers of gossamer emotion. Subsequently these emotions are often used to justify a sense of undeserving-ness or unworthiness and a picture of ourselves in created which is based on low self-esteem. EFT in the above instance was able to effectively remove the blocks to these unconscious tricks and get to the root - the guilt.
And that is the beauty of EFT. That it is so no-nonsense, so 'get to the guts' of the energy disruption that when applied proficiently, EFT can swiftly uproot and fell even the 'densest and most hidden of trees'.
As an endpoint, I find myself always inspired by EFT. The study of EFT is instrumental in developing mastery that I would urge anyone with an avid interest to use the available resources and to practice, practice, practice. As I witness my own mastery develop ever further with EFT I am humbled and inspired to go ever forward.
Helen P Bressler
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Helen holds a bachelor’s degree with suma cum laude honors from Oxford Brookes University and is certified in EFT, Z Point and Professional Coaching. Helen is also a registered nurse and ordained minister. She has over two decades of experience in the area of self-development; and works with individuals, groups and couples with great success.
Her wealth of experience and knowledge make her invaluable in the area of self-development. She is widely renowned as a self development expert and transformational coach and has helped hundreds transform their lives.
Helen uses EFT and Z Point to diminish trauma, blocks and isempowering beliefs which get in the way of discovering or achieving what we really want. Furthermore, she optimizes growth and facilitates direction. She helps people improve relationships and health, clear emotional baggage, reduce stress and unleash potential. She creates tailor-made sessions that perfectly suit the needs of her clients.
Clients have reported feeling happier, healthier, more peaceful and more aware of their life purpose as a result of working with Helen.
Helen co-authored '101 Ways to Enhance Your Career' and has had countless articles published both electronically and in paper form. As part of her own continuing development she is currently working towards her license in marriage and family therapy.
Helen is available for individual, group, family and couples sessions. Visit her website for further information and details of how to contact Helen: www.optimumevolution.com
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