A third example of getting to a core issue.
Article 3 in a series of 3
Helen P Bressler
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My last two articles demonstrate the swift uncovering and resolving of core issues. This was accomplished with the help of good detective work, the recognition of clues and identification of aspects.
I reiterate the sentiment from my previous two articles that I continue to be inspired by EFT’s results. And that I am also aware that the swiftness and depth of ‘healing’ can mirror the ability of the practitioner to pick up on clues, recognize different aspects and know the what/when and how of asking questions. Mastery of these abilities comes with practice and is exponentially enhanced by [the development of] intuition.
In this, the third example of uncovering a (potentially hidden) core issue detective work, clues and aspects are made explicit. However, unlike the previous two articles which describe sessions that took place over the ‘phone, this session was person to person. Incidentally, this was a brief session of only a few (less than 10) minutes.
Following a group EFT session that I was leading, ‘Tyler’ asked if I could see her briefly 1:1. She explained that she was feeling extremely anxious about an upcoming event where she would be meeting and staying with the extended family (about 200) of her boyfriend.
Although she had been with him for 6 years she had never met most of his family due to location. Her anxiety levels were a SUDS of 8+.
Our conversation is as follows
Me: ‘What is it about the upcoming family gathering that is making you feel so nervous?’ (Detective work)
Tyler: ‘It’s a lot of people’. (Too general)
Me: ‘Are you usually anxious around a lot of people?’ (Detective work)
Tyler: ‘No, but I haven’t met most of them’
Me: ‘Are you anxious around people you don’t know’ (Detective work)
Tyler: ‘Not generally’ (clue)
Me: ‘Tyler, close your eyes and envisage the whole family there. Describe what’s making you anxious’ (Detective work)
Tyler: ‘I don’t know’ (clue – she likely does but does not want to uncover it. A simple anxiety about meeting her boyfriend’s family for example would usually be voiced easily. Tyler’s ‘not knowing’ suggests we are actually getting closer to the real issue)
Me: ‘Do you think they might judge you?’
Me: ‘Do you think they might have expectations of you?’
Me: ‘Do you have expectations of them?’
(I’m using garbage and gold detective work to see what ‘hits home’. Nothing has so far so I continue.)
Me: ‘Do you think they will talk about you?’
Tyler: Hesitantly - ‘No’ (clue)
Me: ‘Are you sure they’re not all going to be there, all looking at you and discussing you?’ (Detective work)
Tyler: ‘It’s more about the gossip.’ (Big clue – we are now close to an underlying issue)
Me: ‘Are they a bunch of gossipers? Do they have a reputation for gossiping? Has your boyfriend or a family member you know warned you of their gossiping? Is it the family in general or certain family members? Has someone in his family gossiped about you before? Has someone in your own family gossiped about you? Has someone else gossiped about you?’ (garbage and gold detective work)
Tyler: ‘I just don’t like the whole gossiping thing.’ Way too general.
Me: ‘Are you the one who gossips?’ (garbage and gold detective work)
Tyler: ‘No, it’s just that sometimes people make judgments and talk about other people and I don’t want to be the one who does that’ (big clue)
Me: ‘Are you afraid of judging his family?’
Tyler: ‘Sort of’
Me: ‘Do you usually judge others?’
Tyler: ‘I try not to’.
Me: ‘Who does?’ (detective work)
Tyler: ‘My mom’ (this is likely the issue surfacing)
Me: ‘What do you think of judging others?’
Tyler: ‘It’s ugly’ (either the issue or an aspect of it)
At this point we tapped using the set-up: ‘Even though I got this ugly habit from my mom, I deeply and completely accept myself’. We ended the third set-up with ‘and I totally forgive myself and forgive her.’ We used the reminder phrase: ‘this ugly habit’ and ‘this ugly trait’.
Tyler’s SUDS were now a 9 which were a clue that we had got to the issue but were shifting aspects.
Me: ‘Tell me about your mom, describe her to me; describe how she would judge people to me’. (detective work)
Tyler: ‘My mom is so strong and I really look up to her in so many ways yet she has this one habit of judging people and I think it so ugly. I have done that before [judging people] and I am trying not to do that. I really don’t want to do that at this gathering.’ (different aspects but intuitively I knew there was another core aspect linked to this)
Intuitively I got Tyler to tap using the set-up: ‘Even though I fear having this ugly trait exposed……’ and the reminder phrase: ‘This fear of exposure’.
After just one round Tyler’s SUDS reduced to 4.
We continued tapping on this aspect until down to 1.
This had literally taken but minutes and I could tell Tyler was surprised how quickly we unearthed the core issue behind her anxiety (and what that core issue actually was).
As previously stated in both of my previous articles concerning uncovering core issues, I am continually inspired by EFT. The study and re-study of the EFT manual and resources is so instrumental in developing mastery that I would urge anyone with an avid interest to use the available resources and to practice, practice, practice. As I witness my own mastery develop ever further I am humbled and inspired to go ever forward.
Helen P Bressler
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Helen holds a bachelor’s degree with suma cum laude honors from Oxford Brookes University and is certified in EFT, Z Point and Professional Coaching. Helen is also a registered nurse and ordained minister. She has over two decades of experience in the area of self-development; and works with individuals, groups and couples with great success.
Her wealth of experience and knowledge make her invaluable in the area of self-development. She is widely renowned as a self development expert and transformational coach and has helped hundreds transform their lives.
Helen uses EFT and Z Point to diminish trauma, blocks and isempowering beliefs which get in the way of discovering or achieving what we really want. Furthermore, she optimizes growth and facilitates direction. She helps people improve relationships and health, clear emotional baggage, reduce stress and unleash potential. She creates tailor-made sessions that perfectly suit the needs of her clients.
Clients have reported feeling happier, healthier, more peaceful and more aware of their life purpose as a result of working with Helen.
Helen co-authored '101 Ways to Enhance Your Career' and has had countless articles published both electronically and in paper form. As part of her own continuing development she is currently working towards her license in marriage and family therapy.
Helen is available for individual, group, family and couples sessions. Visit her website for further information and details of how to contact Helen: www.optimumevolution.com
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