I shouldn't feel negative!

When knowing the Law of Attraction causes us guilt..

By Lena Chen, BA (Soc.Sci), EFT-Cert1, CH

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Do you, like millions of others in the world, after learning about the Law of Attraction, beat yourself up whenever you become aware of the negative thoughts in your head, or get fearful about how your next negative thought may attract even more negative events to you?


Well, you are definitely not alone.


I would like to share an excerpt from a blog entry that I wrote on a day when I was feeling melancholy:




Little boy was tearful when I told him to leave his big gun and super heavy library book in the car. He seldom cried with that much anguish, and I had to carry him all the way to the MRT. It wasn't a tantrum cry. There was something desolate about it, and so I didn't get angry. Instead I tapped on him with some affirmations of loving him even if his book and gun is not with him and he is crying. It does not make a lot of sense, but I still feel that it helps to know that you are being affirmed for your goodness and worth even when things are not going the way you want and you are heartbroken about it.


I'm not sure if my current mood has got anything to do with little boy. But my treatment of him this morning reminded me that this is how I need to treat myself too. Not feel upset that I'm feeling down (that "oh you should be more enlightened than this" voice is thankfully not around today). Or urgently want to tap it away (nothing against tapping of course, but it's the intention behind it). Or distract myself by thinking of happy stuff or using affirmations.


In fact I was half-wondering if i should indeed try to focus on more positive things, as according to the teachings of Law of Attraction.


I experimented with doing the opposite.


Instead of resisting that voice within me that sounded like "I'm so lousy", I paid closer attention to it, almost embracing it with patience and understanding.


Within half a second, that voice melted away, and I then heard another statement "Oh I'm not that bad." Ok.


I had a little epiphany where I saw clearly how forcing myself to replace that negative thought in my mind with a positive thought such as "I'm wonderful" would just create an internal war that would sound something like this.


"I'm lousy!"


"I'm wonderful!"






Of course, the louder and more persistent one would win in the end, but perhaps, there wasn't a need for the war in the first place.


How about just accepting the negative voice, albeit its nature of being negative?


"I'm lousy"





"Actually i'm not so bad."


This is one reason why EFT works so well. Instead of trying to replace the negative emotion through correction, it simply acknowledges and accepts it as part of the person's wholeness.

I think it's also a big lesson for me to keep listening and accepting my emotions. I teach that in my workshops... but it's also something I’m striving to practice day by day. Like little boy's tears, this melancholy comes from somewhere and ignoring it, or worse, judging it, would not make it go away.


So don't ask me to cheer up... I’ll learn to befriend the melancholy for a while, and perhaps when it feels safe enough, it would tell me about its background and purpose for being here.




All too often, we judge ourselves for being angry, sad, worried, etc. Those of you, after learning about the power of positive thinking and the Law of Attraction, start feeling anxious or guilty when you find yourself experiencing a negative emotion, HANDS UP!


(Don't worry... I'm raising up my hand too!)


While negative emotions are not to be dwelled upon, they are not to be pushed away either. Yes it is a fine line between acknowledging and honouring our emotions and indulging in them... and that's why I love EFT, because it allows one to acknowledge and honour the emotion, and at the same time, let the emotion to flow through and out of the body, so there is no danger of over-indulging.


I end off with this enlightening poem from Rumi, "The Guest House": 


The Guest House


This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.


A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes

as an unexpected visitor.


Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,

who violently sweep your house

empty of its furniture,

still, treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out

for some new delight.


The dark thought, the shame, the malice,

meet them at the door laughing,

and invite them in.


Be grateful for whoever comes,

because each has been sent

as a guide from beyond.


Here's a tapping exercise for you to try out. Choose your least favourite emotion and tap on: "Even though I really hate feeling ______, I choose to honour this emotion and allow it to be my teacher and healer." And tap on the rest of the points, allowing yourself to experience that emotion and just be mindful of the thoughts that arise.


Love yourself... negativity and all!





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Author's Bio:

Lena Chen is a Holistic Therapist who has empowered hundreds of people to free themselves of old self-sabotaging patterns so that they can finally connect with the wisdom and joy that is already within them. She is the author of “Emotional Freedom At Your Fingertips: how to get from PISSED to PEACE in mere minutes with Emotional Freedom Techniques” as well as the creator of the EFT Affirmation Cards. For weekly inspiring healing insights and tips, subscribe to her highly popular newsletters at her website www.lenashealinghaven.com.


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