Parenting with EFT

How Do I Not Repeat the Patterns of my Childhood?

By Pamela Powers, CCHT, EFTadv, Reiki Master Teacher, Touch for Health, Regenesis

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Question: How can I use EFT to break the cycle of parenting? For example...my parents yelled at me, so I tend to yell at my children.  Or...my parents spanked me, and I spank my children. 

Even though we grow up saying I will NOT raise my children the way my parents raised me; I was so miserable as a child, etc, we do it anyway. EFT has to be able to break that cycle, shoudn't it?

Sometimes when I yell at my kids, I'm thinking in the back of my head, ."...and now I'm teaching my children 'how to parent'.  And it's terrible I don't want to do this." 

Answer:

We learn from our conditioning. To be conscious of the pattern is a big awakening for any young parent....congratulate yourself!!!

Sometimes we justify our parents' actions by replicating it, thinking somewhere in our subconscious that "They were right!  You have to hit...yell...shout...at kids or they don't get it"...trying to find a reason why our parents treated us that way.

EFT is very good at breaking past patterns. Your intent to change is your first step. A typical script might be:

KC: "Even tho I yell (hit, spank, slap, etc.) at my kids, I deeply and completely love, accept and forgive myself. I accept it, I accept it, I accept it. "

Now that might seem a little self serving to begin with. It might seem you're condoning your actions, but it's acknowledging them, accepting it for what it is, and forgiving yourself, as well as finding love within. In effect, you aren't in denial. "It is what it is"...acceptance. 

"Acceptance" is the magic word to start the change. We cannot change the past, but we can accept our actions, just as they are. It opens the door to change them. 

Tap on the KC point:

"Even tho I ___(action - ie "yell")____at my kids, I deeply and completely love, accept and forgive myself...love, accept and forgive my kids. I accept it, I accept it, I accept it. 

Then:

"____(action - ie "yell")___ at my kids" x3 at all points around

KC: "Even though my folks yelled (fill in your issue) at me, and I got the idea that was the way to parent, I deeply and completely love and accept and forgive myself; love, accept and forgive my parents. They were doing the best they could with the skills they had."

then:

"my parents ____(yelled)_____ at me...I accept and forgive them" x3 at each point

KC: "Even though I vowed I would never parent my kids the way my folks parented me, and yet I find myself doing just that, I deeply and completely love, accept and forgive myself; love, accept and forgive my parents...love, and accept my kids. we're all doing the best we can". 

"We're all doing the best we can" x3 at all points

Now, maybe some people in the mix aren't doing the best they can, but this triggers the energy to change. 

KC: "Even tho I was so miserable as a child and I vowed I'd never be "mean" to my kids, yet I see them looking at me with the same eyes, I deeply and profoundly love, accept and forgive myself; love and accept my kids."

Alernate statements at each pint:

"I accept the fact that I wound up parenting my kids just as I vowed I would never do:

"I accept it, I accept it, I accept it."

Remember an incident from your past, where you vowed you would never treat your kids that way. Using the "movie technique", start remembering just before it happened , then tapping on the points as you do so, remember the incident, step by step, stopping at any point that is very intense and tap on the CB point til it subsides. Keep tapping til the charge is off of it. 

"Even tho _____this incident____ happened, I accept it, I accept it, I accept it. It is what it is."

(Humanist psychologist, Carl Rogers said, "The curious paradox is that when I acccept myself as I am, then I can change")

"This is merely a physical manifestation of a blocked emotional issue and I love myself faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar too much to allow it to continue one second longer."

"Repeat patterns of my parents" x3 at each point

"Teaching my kids how to parent their children the same way" at every point

"I deeply and completely love, accept and forgive myself" at each point

Now, remember an incident that occurred recently, where you treated your kids the way you vowed you wouldn't. Again, using the "movie technique:, start remembering just before it happened, then tapping on the points as you do so remembering the incident step by step, stopping at any point that is very intense and tap on the CB point til it subsides. Keep tapping til the charge is out of it.

"Even tho _____this incident_______happened, I accept it, I accept it, I accept it. It is what it is" at each point around

Next, we shift to the positive:

"I change my mind" x3 at every point

"I choose again" x3 at every point

"I am the game chaner" x3 at every point

"I pull the plug on old patterns" x3 at every point

TH: It's safe, fun and easy to create new patterns that are enriching to my children and myelf. I allow the change to occur easily, kindly and gently, and rejoice at this new harmony in my life". 

CB: I deeply and completely and profoundly love, accept and forgive myself" x9

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Author's Bio:

©Pamela Leigh Powers, CCHT, EFT-adv, Reiki Master Teacher, Regenesis Intern, is the author of "Chinese Power Animals - Archetypes of Transformation" relating the Chinese animals to the meridian system. She lives in Benicia, California, north of San Francisco. email plp@acumindeft.com and website: www.acumindeft.com

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While EFT has produced remarkable clinical results, it must still be considered to be in the experimental stage and thus practitioners and the public must take complete responsibility for their use of it.

In addition, the articles on this site represent the views of the authors and do not necessarily reflect those of the founder of EFT, Gary Craig, nor the owner of this web site, Stefan Gonick.