Aftermath of Divorce

By Puja Kanth Alfred, M.A (Psychology), EFT-CERT I , EFT-ADV

(Add or view comments at the bottom of the page.)



After the divorce there is a complete restructuring of life. You can help this “restructuring” to occur more smoothly with EFT. Research shows that while some people benefit from divorce, others show a decrease in personal growth, depending on the context in which the divorce took place. But more or less everyone is affected emotionally. A woman undergoing domestic violence will feel differently about divorce than a man who has taken divorce because of his spouse cheating on him. The reasons for divorce vary and so do the emotions. However, in this article I have compiled a list of aspects that are commonly experienced.

(To see the first part click here – Divorce Trauma Part 1 )

Shattering of the “Happy ever after” Dream

The “happily married forever” illusion shatters. We are brought up with strong beliefs about marriage. We believe that it is for a lifetime. This belief is shaken up after divorce.

Even though this forever/happily married dream has shattered, I want to accept and face the reality calmly.

Leaving the safety and comfort Zone

Stepping out of the comfort zone is very difficult. Even though the marriage may have been abusive, the comfort of the known and predictable is better than the fear of the unknown. Tackling this fear of unknown is very important.

Even though I fear the unknown, I love and accept myself.

Even though I am out of my safety net, I love and accept myself.


More often than not, regret is present. Looking back at the process may make you feel that it  was a wrong decision and regret follows. It helps to think that you did what you had to, at that time and it was the best choice under the available circumstances.

Even though I regret this decision, I still love and accept myself and forgive myself.


Feeling of rejection is tied with unworthiness. Non-deserving feeling is predominant. All these fears are present: Fear of forming new relationships; Distrust of men/women; Fear of making the same mistakes again; Fear of not finding someone.

Even though I feel unworthy, I still love and accept myself

Even though I feel angry, I still love and accept myself

Even though I feel I deserve this as a punishment, I still love and accept myself

Even though I do not deserve good partners, I still love and accept myself.


After divorce, loneliness can be very tough to deal with. Social interactions reduce as people keep asking about your marital status or you cannot bear to look at others in relationships. There is insecurity about future coupled with the desire to have a life partner again.

Even though I am lonely, I still love and accept myself

Even though I hate interacting with people, I still love and accept myself.

Dealing with change in Lifestyle & Income

There would be a lot of changes related to income and lifestyle. Non working women are worst hit. They are left in the lurch when they don’t get alimony.

Single parenting

Single parenting is very tough. Dealing with the day to day challenges requires daily tapping on the accumulative stress and anger. Tapping on your children will also help.

Shift in social Network

Common friends and family may drift apart. This is another contributing factor to loneliness.

Physical Symptoms

The psycho-somatic symptoms like headaches, appetite loss, insomnia may occur due to stress.

What can help

* Social Support of friends and family is crucial.

* Professional Assistance would help. Letting go of the past by doing EFT would help.

* Analyzing your beliefs (writings on your walls and their sources) about divorce and what it means, would help in healing and growth. Answer this – What does Divorce signify to you?

* Accepting the Process and Moving on is the healthiest approach.


Even though my divorce was terrible, I am willing to move on with the resolve to embrace life  with peace and calmness.



View All Articles by this Author


Author's Bio:

Puja Kanth is a Counseling Psychologist, Certified EFT Practitioner and Emotional Trauma Expert. She uses a unique approach called Geo-specific EFT, a cross cultural approach, to work with clients around the globe. Visit her online at www.emofreetherapy.com


Leave a Comment

Email*: (will not be published)
Comment*: (Please no HTML nor overt self-promotion in your comment.)
Math Required*: 8 + 4 = (proves that you are a human)


Disclaimer: All information on this website is for educational purposes only, and the content is not intended to suggest that it is a substitute for proper medical care or good common sense.

While EFT has produced remarkable clinical results, it must still be considered to be in the experimental stage and thus practitioners and the public must take complete responsibility for their use of it.

In addition, the articles on this site represent the views of the authors and do not necessarily reflect those of the founder of EFT, Gary Craig, nor the owner of this web site, Stefan Gonick.

Discover the 3 Keys to
Finding Lasting Love

EFT never ceases to amaze me! The process is gentle and often provides benefits where other methods fail.

— Dr. R. Vergini, MD

Your emotional health, your success in the world, and your level of joy can all be dramatically enhanced by shifting the energies that regulate them. That is the promise of the fascinating new field of Energy Psychology.

— David Feinstein, PhD


EFT Articles, Tapping Therapy Articles, MTT Articles, Energy Psychology Articles

This EFT article directory is brought to you by EFT-Alive.com.