The Dilemma of Letting Go of Anger
It's a matter of cosmic "justice"
Stefan Gonick, Expert EFT Practioner, Trainer and Love Coach
(Add or view comments at the bottom of the page.)
We feel anger when we perceive an injustice, when our boundaries have been violated, and/or when we feel "wronged" by another person. Sometimes this anger can persist for many years past the original event. It can even persist after the offending person dies!
The positive side of anger is that it gets us in touch with our power center so that we can take action to stand up for ourselves or someone else. This can be very good and important when appropriate.
However, there are times when an old anger is serving no useful purpose; there is no action to be taken. Instead, it is only causing us problems by weighing us down, causing stress and creating some kind of dis-ease within us. Once an old anger is identified as the root cause of some problem that we are having, it is usually readily relieved by tapping on the anger that we have towards the person. It typically helps to be very specific about the cause of the anger when tapping. For instance, rather than saying:
Even though I am furious at my ex-wife...
It is better to say something specific, like:
Even though I am furious at my ex-wife for cheating on me...
It can also help to pretend that the person is sitting in front of you and express all your anger feelings directly to the person while tapping.
After a few rounds of tapping, the anger will drain away and the current problem will clear up. At least, this is the usual situation. Sometimes, however, it doesn't work out that way.
I had a series of three clients some time back where tapping on their anger didn't initially help much at all. In each case, the offense was a bad one that had happened a very long time ago. There was nothing to be done or even said to the offending person, and in one case the person was dead. Each of these clients were aware that the offending person was not being affected at all by their anger and that they were the only ones suffering. However, tapping was not relieving their anger.
When this happened with the first client, we were initially stuck for a while, but then I had a flash of intuition. I asked my client whether she felt that letting go of her anger would mean that the other person would somehow "get away with" what he did? A light bulb went off and she strongly agreed. It came out that she subconsciously felt that her anger was, in a cosmic justice sort of way, keeping the other person "accountable" for what he did. She was afraid that if she let go of her anger, it would mean that it "didn't matter" what he did to her and he would "get away with it" without any consequences. Her anger was the only form of "punishment" that he was receiving. The dilemma was that the only person actually being affected by her anger was her, but letting go of her anger felt like it would be to his benefit.
So, we tapped on:
Even though he'll get away with what he did without my anger...
Even though he won't be accountable without my anger...
Even though it won't matter what he did to me without my anger...
Later in the tapping we included affirming phrases like,
I release him to the Universe
He is subject to his own karma
I choose peace for myself
After several rounds of this kind of tapping, my client's anger was gone, and she felt great relief and peace around the issue.
After encountering this same situation with the next two clients in a row, I felt that this insight might be helpful to others. So, if you find yourself having a hard time relieving your anger through tapping, look deeper within to see if issues of "cosmic justice" are getting in your way.
Hugs to all,
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Stefan Gonick, EFT Practitioner, Trainer, and Love Coach, has been helping people with their emotional healing and love relationships for 15 years with great success.
If you are interested in learning more about EFT, a powerful tool for rapidly releasing negative emotions, check out his web site at EFT Tapping Therapy.
If you would like to learn about blocks to finding love and how to find your soulmate, get your FREE Finding the Love You Want Mini e-Course at FindingTheLoveYouWant.com.
Posted June 18, 2010 09:49 PM
Thanks so much for taking the time to share this. Truly appreciated!
Posted June 22, 2010 04:15 PM
You are very welcome! I hope that this article is helpful for you.
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Disclaimer: All information on this website is for educational purposes only, and the content is not intended to suggest that it is a
substitute for proper medical care or good common sense.
While EFT has produced remarkable clinical results, it must still be considered to be in the experimental stage
and thus practitioners and the public must take complete responsibility for their use of it.
In addition, the articles on this site represent the views of the authors and do not necessarily reflect those of the
founder of EFT, Gary Craig, nor the owner of this web site, Stefan Gonick.