The Passive Aggressive Partner
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You fall in love with the perfect person. He or she looks nice, is always pleasing, treats you like the most important person in the world, and says and does all the right things at the right time. You feel so lucky to have found this person.
They never confront you and always agree with you. Friends tell you about this time or that time that they seemed underhanded somehow. Maybe what seems like white lies, what sounds like perplexing elaborate lies, or just that there is something about them that does not feel right. Your closest friends may confide in you or at least tell you that something about your new love just is not right. But perhaps you have just been through a hard time and this person feels so supportive to you. maybe you have had a few rejections, lost a loved one, or are worrying about approaching a certain age without having found a partner as yet. Maybe you have stuff from your childhood somewhere deep in your subconscious that you are not aware of. Or for whatever reason, this partner caught you at a time of vulnerability, and you fell hard for their attention. Months or years later, you find yourself with someone who accuses you of things you did not do, turns on you viciously whenever you insist on confronting them about facts, and basically lies to you and uses you. And it may be totally unnecessary, which can be very confusing.
For example, let us say that you like a certain band. they agree so strongly with you that they love that band too and wish they could see them in concert. So for this love of your life, you get tickets to the next live concert and surprise your new love with them. Your new love seems very enthusiastic, but somehow at the concert does not seem to be really enjoying themselves. They may suddenly have a headache or feel sick, or they may say the band has changed too much since their first record, or any excuse. You are perplexed. Drawn in slowly by a web of underhand deceit and at a vulnerable time in your life, you listen to your new love and try to comfort them. Fact is, this person is lying all they way. And all they had to do was say they did not like the band and saved you all that trouble, expense, and hurt in the first place.
As time goes on, if you have not had the chance to work on the relationship or yourself, you find yourself getting drawn in. This person's actions or words chip away at your self-esteem, probably without you even knowing it.
There are two descriptions of a passive-aggressive that I will give you.
First, the dictionary description: "denoting or pertaining to a personality type or behavior marked by the expression of negative emotions in passive, indirect ways, as through manipulation or noncooperation" from http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/passive-aggressive
Second, my description: A person, who in childhood, suffered serious consequences of what seemed like imperfect behavior, making mistakes, or saying something that was deemed wrong. This person may have has severe emotional and physical abuse, most probably by at least one parent. They grow up still harboring plenty of anger at what was done to them, and need an outlet to express this anger (often at the one they love). On the other hand, they have a deep terror of making mistakes, saying the wrong thing, looking wrong, or whatever it is that they fear due to all those severe punishments. So they are terrified of confrontation. They get revenge at their tormentor via you, being aggressive in an underhand way.
You both need help.
EFT Tapping is a targeted energy modality that releases the childhood trauma at the roots, through the use of simple self-acupressure mixed with releasing wording. EFT, or Tapping or EFT Tapping as it is often referred to, is short for Emotional Freedom Techniques, and has found popularity due to the ease of self-use. For something as complex as this situation, I recommend that you work with a qualified and experienced practitioner. The practitioner can work with each of you separately and both of you together. If your partner does not want to accept help, you can work through this with your practitioner, so you can release the emotional fog in your life and be able to make calm decisions about the way forward. If your partner does attend sessions, it may take them a long time to get out of lying passive-aggressive mode and start admitting that childhood was far from perfect, allow the tears to come, and release the past. If they are willing, and you are patient, in a matter of months or a couple of years of regular weekly EFT sessions, they can open up, release the anger and constant need for aggression, and find their voice that can tell the ruth without fear. Whatever course they choose, you still are individuals, and you can let go of the trauma of the relationship and find the right way for you to move on, whichever one is best for you.
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© Suzanne Zacharia 2015. Of course, you are advised to consult with your medical practitioner before embarking on any course of alternative, complementary, or beauty modality. Want to use this article? You can, as long as you credit me with it and invite your readers to get my FREE "EFT How-to for You" and regular free EFT Tapping suggestions to real readers' requests in my newsletter at http://www.EFT-Scripts.com - New to EFT? No worries, just get your own copy of "EFT How-to for You" and start EFTing with ease very soon!
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