Encourage Cross-Dressing to Get Over it!
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PD is 42 years old and has been a recidivist offender from the age of 12. He was referred to me because he wanted to address his preference of dressing in women’s clothes. This habit was taking its toll on his marriage and his wife was in constant fear of the consequences of public exposure, humiliation and ridicule for herself and the children.
I made a brief account of traumatic events in PD’s life:
Mother died when PD was 7. One day when he and his siblings returned from school, there was an ambulance outside his home. That morning when he said ‘bye’ to him mother was the last time he saw her. He was very close to his mother.
Next two years were spent in an orphanage.
Father remarried and PD with 6 siblings were returned to the family home. The stepmother was cruel and unloving. She piled physical and mental abuse on the children, especially PD.
PD then spent the next few years in several Boys’ Homes – juvenile detention homes. Here the house doctor sexually abused him for the first time. There were several other incidents of sexual abuse after that.
PD launched on a path of self-destruction by drinking, smoking and substance abuse. He tried to commit suicide on 3 occasions.
PD was diagnosed as bi-polar, sent to a mental institute where he was heavily medicated and also given shock treatment. Finally the diagnosis of bi-polar was changed – he was undiagnosed and dumped from the mental institute.
Life was a series of criminal charges and stints in jail. During a jail term PD was raped by a fellow inmate.
I always start at the beginning. The trauma that was the turning point in PD’s young life was the death of his mother. He never got to say ‘good-bye’, he never got to tell her how much he loved her and he certainly missed her enormously.
The EFT treatment started with tapping on the death of PD’s mother. We did the typical ‘movie technique’ and I got PD to talk about what happened, what he saw, heard, felt. Next we did the orphanage, stepmother, sexual abuse, shock therapy, jail rape and finally cross-dressing. All these traumas were addressed in one session.
Here are some phrases we used while tapping on his problem:
I love getting dressed in women’s clothes even though it’s effecting my relationship with my wife
I love getting dressed in women’s clothes even though it’s effecting my relationship with my children
I love getting dressed in women’s clothes even though it’s effecting my relationship with other people
I love the feel of soft, smooth women’s underwear on my skin and I don’t want to give it up, etc
I asked PD to tap on whenever he felt the desire to cross-dress during the following weeks before our next appointment.
I asked PD if there was any connection between the sudden loss of his mother and his cross-dressing. He seemed to agree that perhaps it was a way of connecting with mother whom he loved dearly.
No surprises next time. PD came in beaming from ear to ear. Said he had never felt better and his relationship with his wife and kids had been excellent over the past weeks. What about the cross-dressing? No issue here anymore. He had no urge, need or desire to get into his wife’s clothes. Curious, huh?
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Rehana Webster, EFT Master now resides in Perth Australia and can be contacted for sessions, workshops and training via her website.
Posted October 22, 2010 12:17 PM
I love the principle you are using. If loving cross-dressing works to change it, then loving whatever one's problem is -- is likely to have the same effect. As it has been said, acceptance is the platform from which we launch change. It is key. Bravo. I can think of lots of things to use this for.
Posted October 22, 2010 05:31 PM
Thanks for your kind comments. I'm practicing what I learned from my teachers. What ever one resists, persists! Encourage the symptoms, build rapport by accepting the behaviors and then change them.
Plenty of uses for this method. Try it out and Good luck.
Posted October 24, 2010 04:33 PM
I am very new in EFT (just went to EFT 1 three weeks ago) and I wonder on what point (getting dressed in woman ? bad effect on the family relationship ?)
and how you place it on the scale of "uncomfort". As you say "I love to ..." how can we find an "uncomfort" to the acceptance of the behavior (the love of doing something...) ??
I hope you understand my question as my mother language is French ?
Thank you anyway for this interesting article, that kind of approach is very usefull for me to discover indeed.
With my best regards from Belgium,
Posted October 24, 2010 06:14 PM
Very good question.
"I love to ..." how can we find an "uncomfort" to the acceptance of the behavior (the love of doing something...) ??
The 'uncomfort' is in the second part of the statements: The problem is that he love to dress up in women's clothes creates the 'uncomfort' in his relationships.
I love getting dressed in womenís clothes even though itís effecting my relationship with my wife
The focus of discomfort is on:'
" itís effecting my relationship with my wife" etc
The ratings of discomfort here was high...9. He tapped till the rating came down.
Hope that helps to clarify your question.]
Posted October 26, 2010 05:13 AM
It certainly helps !! By the way I understand that I might be too rigid willing to stick to the procedure I learned (like willing to scale the first part of the assertion which was here the acceptance...) but to my defense as new-comer, that positive way of announcing was really disturbing for me at first view.
I am very touched to see how generous everybody seems to be in the "world" of EFT and I thank you so much to share your experiences with us, with me. I dearly appreciate the gift and hope to be able to share some gifts of my own in... two, three years ;-)) ??
Best regards and thanks, Rehana
Posted October 26, 2010 05:46 PM
You are doing well and it is thru asking questions that you will learn and grow. Like everything else, first we have to learn to crawl and then take tiny steps and walk before we can run ;-)
Posted November 29, 2011 06:47 AM
i think this article is very unrealistic. i am a counselor dealing with men & cross dressing & it is not so simple as u make out. please do not publish these articles which pretend that the solution is so simplistic. this is rediculing the situation & is highly unrealistic.
Posted November 29, 2011 08:02 AM
Thank you for your comments.
I want to point out that this article was written and published with the permission of my client. It is not unrealistic from the client's point of view neither is it simplistic. You are in fact minimizing the resolution and shift the client experienced and as you were not there to witness the sessions, you are not in a position to make the above comments. Neither are you in any position to request which articles be published because your beliefs about your work are being tested. I am an EFT MASTER practitioner with many years of experience in EFT and several other modalities and with depth of experience. In my work with people who exhibit dysfunctional behaviors I have learned that there are many different ways of dealing with them.
EFT helped this person and I for one am extremely grateful and happy that it did.
D P W
Posted May 27, 2014 06:42 PM
This is encouraging as I have had a boot fetish ever since I can remember. I don't know how to change it and this gives me hope.
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