Getting Over Fear of Giving a Teleclass
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Sasha (not her real name), a successful personal coach, came to me because although she was very comfortable in one-on-one sessions, she was extremely nervous at the thought of presenting to groups. However, she wanted to start giving teleclasses, and felt that getting over this fear so she could present comfortably would be better than ‘toughing through it.’ I agreed.
I asked if she had a particular fear of presenting to groups on the phone, or whether her fear was just groups in general. She felt that the fear was the same regardless of whether it was in-person or on the phone group work.
I asked what, specifically, she was afraid of. She said ‘I’m afraid that I’ll make a mistake’, ‘afraid that I’ll appear incompetent’, and ‘afraid that I’ll look stupid.’ She rated the fear at an ‘8’ intensity on the 0 to 10 scale.
I felt intuitively that the affirmation of the setup should be modified, so we used:
Even though I’m afraid that I’ll make a mistake, and look stupid and incompetent, I’m open to deeply and completely accepting myself anyway.
I’ll make a mistake
I’m afraid I’ll look stupid
What if I forget what to say?
I’ll look incompetent
Note: I find that the reminder phrase ‘this fear’ does not seem to be as effective a way to keep my clients’ attention on their issue, compared to saying aloud the thoughts that are running through their heads.
We did a complete round, using all points. Sasha reported that the fear had dropped to a ‘6’, so we did another similar round, simply modifying the setup to ‘Even though I still have some of this fear that I’ll make a mistake, etc…’
At this point, Sasha reported that the fear had dropped to a ‘5’. I told her that ‘5’ was a great number, where we could start playing a bit more, and said that I might use a little humor. She thought that was a great idea.
Even though the world will end if I make a mistake in my teleclass, even though everything hinges on this teleclass, maybe even world peace, I choose to love and accept myself anyway…
The reminder phrases were similarly silly:
I’ve got to do it right or the world might end
Everything depends on me being perfect
The fate of the world hinges on my perfect teleclass…
This was also a complete round, using all points.
At the end, Sasha was laughing and said that the fear was now at a 2-3. I asked her, if she had to guess, what was keeping the fear in place? She said that she was afraid that without the fear, she wouldn’t adequately prepare for the teleclass.
She also reported at this point that something else was coming up – she was now feeling guilty that she had carried around this fear for so long, and it had kept her from doing group work and helping people in this way. She reported the emotion as ‘regret and sadness’ with an intensity of a ‘6’.
Even though I have this regret and sadness because I’ve had this fear for so long, I choose to love, accept and forgive myself anyway…
I should have gotten over this fear before this…
Why didn’t I get over it before this?
I’ve been playing small…
I could have done group work before this…
I feel all this regret…
I’m sad I didn’t deal with this before
(Going into a second round without stopping, we switched to:)
What if this was the perfect time for me to deal with the fear?
What if I just wasn’t ready before?
What if I could trust that this is the perfect time for me to start giving teleclasses?
What if now really is the perfect time?
What if I could forgive myself?
I choose now as the perfect time to start group work.
I choose to forgive myself for my fear, I’m doing the best I can, and that’s good enough.
Sasha reported that the regret was completely gone at the end of the double round, and that the fear was still at a 2-3.
I asked her what she would really like to communicate to the teleclass participants, and how she would like to feel. She said that she would like to come across as warm, confident, caring, and positive.
Even though I have to keep this remaining fear so I’ll adequately prepare for the teleclass, I choose to consider that I could be warm, confident caring and positive instead…
I have to keep the fear
I won’t be prepared if I don’t keep the fear
This fear is making sure that I will prepare
Nearing the end of a full round, and beginning a second round,we shifted to:
What if I don’t have to keep the fear?
What if I could prepare without it?
What if I could prepare from a place of caring, rather than fear?
What if I could prepare from a place of confidence, rather than fear?
We finished the second round with:
I choose to be warm, confident, caring and positive.
At the end of her session, Sasha now reported that her fear was at a 1, and was quite happy with that level. I suggested to her that it might drop on its own to a zero (hopefully setting her up to look for that if it should occur.)
I asked her to visualize giving the teleclass, from setting it up to picking up the phone, talking to people, etc. She said that she felt a little nervous about the technology, but knew that she could walk through that with the help of a friend. She had no fear about the idea of speaking to the group, and recognized that was a different aspect from her discomfort with technology.
She expressed some concern that the fear might return, and I explained that in my experience, an additional aspect might surface, such as her discomfort with technology, but that usually the fears that were dissolved remained that way.
To keep her fear from spiking from any additional aspects that might surface, and from the ‘fear of the fear’, I also suggested that she tap every day until the teleclass using the following setup and reminder phrases:
Even if I’m tempted to go into fear, I choose to focus on being warm, confident, caring and positive.
One full round with the reminder phrase (negative):
I might feel afraid
One full round with the reminder phrase (positive):
I choose to be warm, confident, caring and positive.
Sasha reported that she felt confident about giving the teleclass, and when I checked in with her a week later, was happily making final preparations with no return of the fear.
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Pamela Bruner is a business success coach and a meridian tapping expert. She is the creator of the ‘Business Success Breakthrough Program’ which combines practical business-building advice for entrepreneurs with meridian tapping techniques such as EFT. Pamela is also the co-author of the book ‘EFT and Beyond – Cutting Edge Techniques for Personal Transformation’.
Posted May 23, 2010 07:37 AM
Thank you Pamela for these warm, insightful articles, and the play-by-play which made the sessions successful, helping us adapt them to our own situations.
Posted June 11, 2010 02:51 PM
thank you it is just what i needed you have been a great help
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